:: translucence ::

:: you & me ::

2006-09-05T10:01:00.000+08:00

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up
and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

all of the things that I want to say
just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

there's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful
everything she does is right

you and me and all of the people
with nothing to donothing to lose
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

you and me and all of the people
with nothing to donothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and I don't know why
I can't keep my eyes off of you

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive ...

dedicating this song to my beloved :) thank you for everything you've done. you are a great blessing to me.
love you lots.

:: tattered mind ::

2006-09-02T16:15:00.000+08:00

the many seasons of,ones changed path divided
many yearnings, many woes
yet the nimble touch heals all

myopic -

a moment under the star-torn night
bridging souls; change of destiny, a twist of fate

above words, more than thought
the evening breeze fills life with,
she from the Stars, descending ...

:: blessed ::

2006-03-28T12:01:00.000+08:00

been lagging behind with my updates of things happening in my life :P *thousand apologies to the godfather*

- prac with the band! can't wait for the big day :D need to brush up more on the lyrics and volume ...
- end of night shifting! now life's back to normal again after a month of nightwalking and
depression from all of the lack of sleep. thank god for coffee and neslo
- life's been good ... happy :) thank you for everything ...
- 2 weeks learning a lot of different stuff i never learnt b4 :P < tie saree>
- self-discovery ...
- V! great movie. shall grab the comic soon from jw ...
- rachel's tears; trying to revive my reading habit that wuz lost when i came to MMU ...
- been feeling dazed and blurrish and like a dori~~ camne la mau cure my forgetfulness XD heidi
cakap coz i never sleep .. all my braincells died *tsk tsk*
- moo-moo
- makan gang revived :P
- to know that im not alone :) and none of us are ...
- to love is to give ... unconditionally :D

am feeling blessed, then and now :)

:: what we are made of ::

2006-03-11T02:09:00.000+08:00

in time i will show you i’m not leaving
that i will wait right here for your love
God knows what we are made of
God knows what we are afraid of
and if you cry i will comfort you

i will save you
i’d sacrifice my life
i will love you for who you are, not who you used to be

in time i will show you i’m still believing
God knows that if you crawl i will come to you

i will save you
i’d sacrifice my life
i will love you for who you are, not who you used to be

no matter where you are i’ll be with you
no matter who you are i'll wait for you
no matter where you are i’ll protect you
no matter who you are i will love you

- scott mallone -

:: iam.fizzled ::

2006-03-09T01:05:00.000+08:00

just what i'm feeling for the past few days ...
not sure what's causing it too ...

bad stomach, no more nasi lemak XD
*went toilet for the umpteen time already*

guess i'm still quite affected by things happening around me ...
trying not to think too much about what others may
think about my actions and just do the right thing :)
*god help me*

wish that there is some reset button or time machine to go back
into time - to last week i guess ... past 2 days is way diff than
that =/ why things don't last when you wanted em to? i just wish
i knew whats going on ... hmm. can somebody tell me?

still waiting for tasks ... lepaking around from the time after some
gig @ campus till now lol ... started work late around 12-ish but
wuz happy coz it's been a while i get to watch bands perform. wtg amplify :)
* screw the comm for cuttting u guys short :P * prolly coz you guys were
too good compared to the other bands ... mereka jeles ~~ XD

babble babble ... insufficient sleep making me feeling depressed. sorry
if i hadn't been me for a while =( its just a phase for another week and
i'll return normal :D

need to prepare self for ee band prac . god restore my voice so that i may
use it to glorify you ... lyrics kept slipping off me >.<

:: r.i.p : a tribute to LoSe®™ ::

2006-03-07T06:51:00.000+08:00

a tribute to one of our greatest gamer friend

who departed the arena of heroes on 03.03.06

may you be remembered always as our superplayer

*welcomes the rebirth of a new winner*

:: hippo hands ::

2006-03-04T06:53:00.000+08:00

*smiles*

:: finito : the finale ::

2006-03-04T05:59:00.000+08:00

crystal waves, shattered stills ...
the unspoken awaken, made known its existance ...
the untimely rules, as it made its course once again ...
tearing apart reality that's in its way ...
a touch of agony pathed in its trail ...

beautiful as it can be, death leads its way ...
a prowess rein subduing many ...
i gaze upon it and hear her whispers in my head ...
come ... come ...

lifeforce drawn, the queen of despair feeds ...
i lay still as she consumes ...
bliss ... contemplate as she devours
i'm finally arriving to my promised Utopia ...
drifting in the great scarlet river ...
the wails of the fallen ringing in my ears ...
greeting me as i'm received ...

:: me.insignificant ::

2006-02-27T08:05:00.000+08:00

its been a week of me having deprived a lot of things since i started my night shift- sleep, personal time, friends ...

getting more and more detached from people around me ... though i am there, i was never there; at all. broken lines, broken bridges ... *drifting, drifting *

lacking of so many necessities got me dulled and sluggish. how do i feel today or tomorrow, doesn't matter much ... trying to get away with my emotions and remain numb for some time.

sometimes i wonder why i bother giving people priority over so many things. for that little bit that is given, more is expected to be drawn out. yeah, it hurts at time when people never understand the reason of things being done. perhaps i wasn't really good in getting my messages across and just let people step over me. or perhaps its just plain sacrifice so that others may be happy. sigh. i dunno. everyone has their own agenda in mind; i just don't want to be caught in between them >.< *insignificance*

silence of adam. a line used in one of the conference i attended. is speaking up all that matters to solve problems that tends to end up back in square one? i wonder... im still a believer of "actions speak louder than words". i read and interpret actions more than the things people tell me, bodylanguage and signs. yeah, i'm pretty sensitive i guess when it comes to things people do to me. of cause there is a need to balance between communication between speech and action. am trying to improve on the latter, but would anyone listen? *shrugs*

if i only knew what to do. forgetting is never a thing i could ever do in life. no, not in this lifetime. getting over issues and letting go never occured to me as an easy ongoing thing. forget and move on? act as if im ok and nothing had ever happened? its just not me. as i draw breath and stand on my two feet, i believe that there is still hope .. yeah - for you and me. am waiting ... am still believing. may the Divine grant me patience.
*dude, thx for the advice. will work towards mending myself*

too much to think of, too much to say ... too little to pen down. can't organize my thoughts and the things i wanted to express. well .. perhaps i should do some thank yous to people who had cared and been with me. its been great to spend time with you all and am always looking forward to our next :) sorry again, to those i had hurt necessarily, or not ... i'm just bad at reacting. i don't mean to do and say things that may hurt. forgive me of my shortcoming and may i be granted grace to lift my head up again.

time to sleep i guess ... graveyarding session commencing in 10 hrs time. signing off. Zzz

:: NOC ::

2006-02-17T04:25:00.000+08:00

great job mmucf for putting up a great play :)
can't wait for them to release the vid.

moving, strong scenes which are undoubtly
spectacular and astounding. two thumbs up! bravo~

looking forward to NOC V :D

:: valentines ::

2006-02-17T04:20:00.000+08:00

yups - a lagging post ...
fell sick on v-day is never a good thing >.<
wuz glad that it never affected the performance for bsad *cheers jw, nick n lianne*

didn't do anything at all this valentines ... same old boring routine every year for me :P

to learn to love ...
to learn to be loved ...
bleh :P

:: 020206 ::

2006-02-03T01:45:00.001+08:00

a night of immense music, malaysia welcomes UK's most renowned
christian band Delirious?; letting us hardcore fans savour the very
best music of its kind. powerful lyrics and music by the band
captivated all who were present from the beginning till the very end.
a memorable evening led by Martin Smith, whom in my opinion has
one of the most unique and talented voice i've ever heard. the
chemistry within the band blended well in producing heart-to-heart
music. pictures and more updates to come :) stay tuned!

:: deja vu ::

2006-02-03T01:45:00.000+08:00

sigh ...

:: people leap and hope that they can fly ::

2006-01-30T18:41:00.000+08:00

so do i
give me wings so that i can soar up high once again

courage that i may not be afraid to live
no more regrets, tearing down the veil of doubt
no more regrets, that i'm able to voice out once again

:: lost tradition ::

2006-01-30T16:29:00.000+08:00

its the 2nd day of cny .. and am stranded in penang @ gurneys >_<
and no .. i'm not feeling deprived of being away from the pc k? *points finger*

this year's celebration wuz ok in penang .. met up with a friend whom i got to know from NC and went to her bbq party + b'day (yeah, her b'day falls on the 1st day of cny on the chinese calendar!) pretty cool, lotsa ppl and met ppl from UKM *i get puzzled when they speak using law terms >.< ~~sienz*

.. lotsa fireworks despite the ban *rolleyes*
.. and oh, i never sesat while driving in penang :D prolly i should come here and work someday. leave cyberjaya behind and start a new chapter here.

after observing cny celebration for the past 2 years .. i felt that the festive spirit has slowly faded in the midst of modernization *bleh* hope that our culture won't dissolve and the generations to come will still be able to understand the true meaning of festivities - the bridge of the old and the new.

signing off for now. can't wait to head down to ipoh tmr and delirious?

:: remember when it rained ::

2006-01-21T00:40:00.000+08:00

----------------------------------

wash away the thoughts inside
that keep my mind away from you.
no more love and no more pride
and thoughts are all i have to do.

ohhhhhh remember when it rained.
felt the ground and looked up high
and called your name.
ohhhhhh remember when it rained.
in the darkness i remain.
tears of hope run down my skin.
tears for you that will not dry.
they magnify the one within
and let the outside slowly die.
ohhhhhh remember when it rained.
i felt the ground and looked up high
and called your name.
ohhhhhh remember when it rained.
in the water i remain

running down
running down
running down
running down
running down
running down
running down

- josh groban -
------------------------------------

... when will the rain stop inside?
i hate it when the rain starts
when walls slowly crumble around me
vulnerable ...

tears under the moonlight
more frequent its visit made

remember, when it rained ...

:: pwn3|> ::

2006-01-20T09:26:00.000+08:00

death counter :
0 - 7

h4rDBr34K3r had pwned joo!

time to quit the game i guess *sighs*

... silent death

bleh

:: downtime ::

2006-01-17T16:23:00.000+08:00

taking 5 ...
server @ office having a 1/2 and hour downtime
so lepaking now as i blog :P

------

downtime ... happens to everyone too
the Main brings down the server, fix it and sets it up again
hoping that my fixing is almost done to get up alive and kicking again *sighs*

so many bugs, viruses to eliminate
hope i don't get a HDD crash :P

prolly its time to do a wipe
and install a fresh new OS on my system
yeah - format off all the old data
and make space for the new

backup could help too i guess
not everything could be removed *XD*

kks ... better stop babbling
*darn shouldn't have taken coffee and oreos*

signing off while i wait for new tasks ahead for the day~

:: storm ::

2006-01-11T10:50:00.000+08:00

great song ...

blyss
storm

how long have I been in this storm
so overwhelmed by the oceans shapeless form
water's getting harder to tred
with these waves crashing over my head

if I could just see you
everything would be alright
if I had to see you
this darkness would turn to light
and I would walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
everything will be alright

know you didn't bring me out here to drown
so why am I ten feet under and upside down
barely surviving has become my purpose
cause I'm so used to living underneath the surface

if I could just see you
everything would be alright
if I had to see you
this darkness would turn to light
and I would walk on water
and you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright

and I will walk on water
you will catch me if I fall
and I will get lost into your eyes
and everything will be alright
now everthing is alright
everything is alright

:: the old, the new ::

2006-01-10T17:34:00.000+08:00

... stoning in the office XD ...
why am i even here on a pub hols .. *sighs*

.....

.. enough of wasting time on unfruitful things
.. *picks self up, dusts and moving on*

.. thanks for being there for me *hugs*
.. yes, you :)

-back to work-

:: let go ::

2006-01-08T03:21:00.000+08:00

let go
pursuing pain
the wanting of something which i can never have
the feeling i detest
why do i even bother trying
it hurts just to look at you
knowing i have no place
there is no longer meaning to this
there is no longer meaning to this all
living - trying to fit into the puzzle i'm not meant to be on
there is no need for words to my actions
for its you that i still care for
undeserving
for there is no more meaning of love to me

:: boys don't cry ::

2006-01-06T16:57:00.000+08:00

yeah .. they do ..

:: 120mins ::

2006-01-04T02:36:00.000+08:00

... a time of reflection
goodbye, 05 ...

:: sorry, thank you ::

2006-01-03T23:14:00.001+08:00

sorry,
for hurting you with words, actions -anger, disappointment ...

sorry,
for ignoring -selfishness, jealousy, misunderstanding ...

sorry,
for never been encouraging at times of need -discouraged as well ...

....

thank you,
despite the depressive atmosphere i'm wuz stuck in -your care and smile bolted a moment of joy in me. a brief, but meaningful moment ... i shall forget not

thank you,
for letting me know that i'm not alone ...

thank you,
for accepting me as i am -striving to change for the better ...

thank you,
for letting me have a second chance to start afresh -lets start again from where we left off, shall we?

sorry, and thank you once again ...

may the year ahead be a promising one for you and i ...

be discouraged not when tides of sorrow crashes upon you, for i shall hold your hand and keep you afloat ... never alone

smile -and smile ...

*cheers*

:: king of this heart ::

2006-01-01T20:56:00.000+08:00

time is too short
to say it’s OK
to think I can live this way
for just another day
so I’ll search through the night
for the one my heart loves
won’t stop till I’ve found You
for Lord I need to hold You close

be the king, of this heart again
be the king of this life
in my soul there’s a cry today
be the king of this heart
be the king of this heart

i’ve stood in the desert
and thirsted for you
i’ve run through the city
now I won’t let go
i’m throwing myself
on Your mercy O God
You say it’s all or nothing
i’m saying Jesus have it all

be the light for my eyes
be the strength for my feet
be the love for my soul
be my everything
be my day and my night
when I wake
when I sleep
undivided my heart will be

-matt redman-

* the song hit me after several times repeating it .. and made me realise something - i had left God out of the equation of my life, for a long time. It was pointless for me to point fingers at Him over depressive moments in life, for it wuz i who was at wrong. i never seek Him over the decisions and actions i undertook .. and i guess i would be unfair if i get angry at God over my own mistakes. May this new beginning help me invite Him again, once again to be the King of this heart. grace *

:: 2006 ::

2006-01-01T19:28:00.000+08:00

A new year ... a new beginning. Putting aside differences of '05 and renewing life in '06